Joselyn Hughes

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

ew.

Last week, while talking to a friend, my end of the conversation came to a grinding halt.
I was shocked and disappointed that I, Joselyn Hughes, had just uttered the one sound that I believe to be currently destroying the American lexicon as we know it.

“So I can’t get Saturday off, which means I’m going to have to cancel me and Evan’s dinner reservation,” my friend said.
“Ew!” I responded.

“Ew.”
“Ew!”
I said “ew.” Much to my complete disappointment, I uttered the one word that I detest. Except it’s not even a word, it’s a sound. “Ew” has slowly morphed into a horribly juvenile response that has taken the place of a dignified one.
“Ew.”

When I was 14, I consciously monitored the amount of times I said “like.” I knew it was improper, so I had never wanted it to take over my discourse like so many of my teenage peers. As I got older, I realized a lot of people said “like.” While I’m not a linguist, I can definitely say “like” has been entered as increasingly acceptable part of our language. Sadly, I admit to using it myself. Like, you know.
Shudder.

But I will not let “ew” take over.. I will trip it in the hallway and mock it for dropping all its books. I will wake up at 1am to go over to its house, where I will teepee the hell out of its front yard and spray silly string all over its windows. I will fight “ew” in a bar; smashing a Bud Lite over its head and asking it what it’s doing looking at my woman.
I will do whatever it takes to make sure that “ew” knows that it makes us all sound like morons, and I, Joselyn Hughes, will not accept sounding like a moron. (Unless I don’t realize it.)

“Ew” is not welcome here.

So I ask you, dear citizen, to fight for our language. Fight for our dignity and our pride. Don’t let “ew” overrun your conversation. Stop it in its tracks. The next time someone says something you think is unfair, say “that sounds unfair,” “that’s unfortunate,” or wag your finger and do a disapproval dance. Just don’t say “ew.”

Because every time you avoid saying “ew” you bring us like, so much closer to sophistication. Like, fo’ reals.

© 2007 – 2010 Joselyn Hughes